Baby Clusters

Hello! We’re home from vacation and finally I’ve gotten back into the swing of things. We had a great time in Orlando, despite the 95+ temperatures and the rain. In the end we liked the rain because it cooled everything off. We were spraying each other with those water fans that you can carry around anyway, so why not have a little rain to save us the trouble? We hit the parks hard and I think we got our fill of rides and attractions. The dining could have been better, but there were a couple of good meals in there. I have to say that I don’t think I’ll do Orlando in August again. Just too hot. But we knew that and we were willing to do it. This time.

I am a big Disney sucker. I fall for the magic and the rides and I love every bit of it. I realize that might seem somewhat unsophisticated of me, but it’s just the way I am. This was my first trip as a mom and everyone kept telling me that it would be even better and more magical through his eyes. I have to say that this was only true some of the time. When I caught a huge smile on Dylan’s face, or when his eyes were full of awe over some special effect show or something I absolutely loved it. But there was also a great deal of extra worrying, which had never been part of my Disney experience before. The list of worries went from “what if something scary pops out at him?” to “I hope he doesn’t get too tired or overheated walking around all day.” We kept him off the really scary things and he dealt with the somewhat scary things very well. He covered his face appropriately and then on the way off of the ride he made sure we knew he was only pretending to be scared. Yeah, me too.

As for him getting too tired, we nipped that problem in the bud by taking turns carrying him. We carried him a lot. I didn’t mind because he’s my little boy, but little boy weighs about 45 lbs now so it took more than a little work to cart him around. If you happen to see pictures, you will understand the glistening. Remember that it was 95 degrees, except when it was raining. So I am either sweaty or wearing a rain poncho in every picture. But then, it isn’t about me anymore. I’m starting to realize this.

The last two days of our trip, all I could think about was coming home to see the babies. I couldn’t wait to see them! They had a great time with my parents who seemed to enjoy the week, but were ready to take a break! I hope they went out to dinner and enjoyed the quiet on their way home from our house. I am so thankful to them for allowing us to do this for Dylan and for us. My parents are truly amazing people. Just another one of my many blessings.

Hello! I just wanted to let you know that I am going to be on vacation until August 14th, so I won’t be posting before then. Feel free to read my older posts if you are really bored. I hope you are having a terrific summer!

Colty was a cranky pants today. The only time he didn’t cry is when he was eating or when I was holding him. That is very unlike him, but I think it is partly my fault. I was going to try to phase out the morning nap, starting with Colton because he doesn’t seem tired in the morning and he never sleeps very long. I think this was a mistake because by 30 minutes after naps started for the girls he just started crying his little eyes out and wouldn’t calm down until he fell asleep on me. Okay, tomorrow it’s back to regular morning nap for everyone.

One of the more challenging things about having multiples is trying to time things properly for 3 different babies who may have different needs. It takes more trial and error than it would with a single baby, but it’s certainly doable. In the end we will get everyone up to speed with new schedules and learning new skills and all of that. I just have to be very patient and be willing to try something and then try something else. There will be failures. There will be frustration. But if I keep it light and find the humor it will work out and we will be a big happy family.

Babies are sleeping soundly for the night right now and that is one thing that has been solid from the start. As long as I don’t do anything to disrupt that, everything is A-okay. I know tomorrow will be better with less crying and more sleeping. At least my mother-in-law will be here so I won’t be the only person available to hold them, and I am also leaving to bring Vi to the doctor for a few hours. It’s always nice to get out for a few hours even if it’s to the doctor.  And maybe I’ll even hit the Dunkin Donuts for a nice iced latte. How could my day get better?

Dylan is 4. He is a very good kid as kids go, but he is exhausting. Today I think he said “mom” about 8,457 times and I was really getting sick of saying “what, honey?” Finally I had to say “You don’t have to call my name every time you speak to me. Just say what you want to say. I’m the only one here.” Hopefully I didn’t come off as annoyed. I’m actually glad that he has lots to say and that he likes to share his ideas with me. It’s just sometimes tough to hold an all-day conversation with him while simultaneously changing diapers and such. Once in a while I need to suggest that he go play the Wii for a little while or maybe watch TV. I know that doesn’t make me Mother of the Year, but I’m over that. I wouldn’t want all that attention anyway.

Colton’s newest game is biting and pinching mommy. He crawls over to me on the floor and either grabs a really teeny little bit of skin on the back of my arm or neck and pinches or else he takes a big bite out of my shoulder with his sharp little dagger teeth. I like to lie down on the floor with all 3 babies and let them climb over me, but now it’s getting too dangerous. Meanwhile, Sienna has taken to smacking my face while Violet just sort of grabs hold of one of my lips and leans over me. It’s just a matter of time before she spits up on my face. We need a new activity.

Today seemed like a very long day because there was nothing going on. I did manage to get in the pool with Dyl for a little while, but mostly we were just in the house getting from one nap or feeding to the next. Actually, it was a nice change compared to some of the crazy days that I have had in recent weeks and the crazy days that are coming soon. I am going to make some tea and end the day on a calm note as well. I have to say once again how very fortunate and grateful I am that my kids sleep well at night. I have 4 kids and yet I can still count on a full night of undisturbed sleep 98% of the time. Now if only Dylan wouldn’t get up at 5:30 in the morning…

My husband and I have both managed to keep some great friends around us even while we are parenting 4 kids. It takes more work, but if I know that without them I may very well be insane by now. The way I maintain my friendships is very different from the way my husband maintains his of course. For me, I try to fit in a play date with some of my closest friends and their kids so that the kids get to have some fun and the moms do too. A couple of friends live too far away to do this often, but we still try now and then. Except for Elyse, who lives in California so I really only dream of getting together with her, but at least we catch up on the phone now and then. Anyway, spending a few hours with my friends and their respective children is the best.

For my husband, he waits until he feels that he has been deprived of his “guy-time” for long enough and then he plans to go out with the boys for the night, which means he’ll come back the next day usually. This works well for him because his friends still manage to get together pretty much every weekend so he can just join in when he wants to. I’ve never heard any of them trying to plan a day with the kids at the indoor playground or the town pool. It just wouldn’t ever happen. They need to be unencumbered and free to act like jackasses if they want to. Who wouldn’t want freedom to be a jackass?

I know Steve would support it if I wanted to go out in the evening with my friends, but I just rarely do. I’m tired. And I have to get up early, and it’s a long drive home and if I’m driving I can’t even have one drink. I could sleep at my friend’s house so that I could drink, but I don’t want to do that. I want to be in the house with my kids in my own bed. I like to have a drink now and then but I’m not likely to plan a whole evening around it. That’s the difference I think between my husband and I. He can’t imagine planning his social events around the kids and I can’t imagine planning my social events around beer. But his works for him and mine works for me and only causes an argument half of the time (when I think he’s too old to go out drinking and pass out on his friend’s couch). I think in the end that I make out better anyway. I have real friends who come to see me and we laugh and talk and keep up on what is going on in each other’s lives. My husband has friends who see how much they can make him drink and then let him crash at their house. I wouldn’t trade with him, and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t trade either.

It’s official. Colton can no longer be trusted with books or tissue or anything related to paper. He eats it. I don’t notice it at first because he is sneaky, but then I see him clearly chewing when we haven’t had a meal in hours. So I have to do a finger sweep of his mouth, which turns up a disgusting wad of chewed storybook. Yuck! So far he hasn’t had any choking incidents, but the wad of kleenex that came up yesterday was certainly a hazard. It makes me nervous to even leave the room. I have to scan all toys and object within reach, only now I am not just looking for things that might poke or poison or burn my kids, I’m looking for anything that can be ripped into tasty bite-sized pieces.

Now I can’t go to the bathroom or spend 5 minutes in the kitchen without getting a sudden panic attack that Colton may find something. I can distract him by letting him hold my cell phone but then the other two want it and a tug-of-war crying fest ensues. There is no way around it. We have come to the age when I can’t turn my back for more than 60 seconds. Even in the gated family room which seems to be baby-proof, there is always some hidden danger that I never would have thought of until I see it play out, or almost play out. I love that they are older now and can hold their own bottles and entertain themselves. But with those freedoms come new problems. Overall I think freedom is shrinking for mommy.

Colton has also been experimenting with standing in his high chair. I turned around for a moment and found him sitting on top of Sienna’s tray. They both looked very casual as if this was a very normal state of affairs. “Hey, Sienna. What’s up?” I’m sure they wondered why I freaked out and ran over to grab him. It looked to me like he was 5 seconds from tumbling onto the kitchen floor. But he’s fine. At least he taught me a lesson. Always wear your seat belt at the dinner table.

One good thing about being a stay-at-home mom is that every day is similar to every other day. This may sound like a bad thing, but if you get over the monotonous feeling, it is all good. Monday is no worse than Tuesday, or Friday, except that we miss daddy when he is working during the week so we do like it when the weekend comes. But my tasks and chores are the same more or less every day. I get up about the same time every day, They are all busy and full and exhausting, but excessively rewarding at the same time. The weekend is still a good thing because we can all be together as a family, and because I have my husband around to help.

I am noticing people I know complaining about Monday and dreaming about the weekend to come. It is too bad that we haven’t yet found a way to enjoy ourselves every day, even if we have to work. Isn’t it terrible to rush through more than 2/3 of the week and just hope it goes by as quickly as possible? Isn’t life too short already? If only we could all find a way to be productive while still enjoying ourselves. Being with my kids, I feel like that is exactly what I have. I work as hard as anyone I know, harder than many. But I enjoy my days and every task I undertake has meaning and feels like a good use of my time.

If I go back to work someday, I don’t think I can ever choose to work somewhere that I hate to go. I have done that and I’ve been miserable. Next time I’ll be smarter about it. I may find a way to work for myself in some capacity. I could start a business or become a writer or something. In the event that I choose an employer again, it would have to be at a happy place. I want to smile all day and feel good about what I’m doing. There may be a pay cut that comes with such job satisfaction, but I’m okay with that. I’ve been without a paycheck for a while now, so I think any pay will be a nice change. I may have my husband start writing me checks, which of course I will redeposit into our account.

I have been thinking about the kind of memories I want my kids to have as they grow up. I know that there lives won’t be all sunshine and candy, but that doesn’t mean they can’t have a few fantastic moments that they can remember for their whole lives. Those kinds of memories can always be there to remind them to make time for fun in their lives. My childhood memories fill me with so much happiness and peace that I can’t imagine life without them. I know that not everyone has happy childhood memories to turn to, so I have a lot of gratitude, especially for my parents.

One memory that has been with me today is from a family trip to Mountain Park, which is a dinky little amusement park that used to exist somewhere in or around the Berkshires. We were there in the evening and I remember I was excited to still be out after dark. My older sister and I were loaded into some kind of vehicle that looked like a boat. The ride started to spin and we were lifted into the air. We were able to maneuver our boat up and down at will, which made us laugh as we went around and around. I have a vivid memory of leaning over the side of the car and letting the air blow in my face and through my hair. The ride seemed to go on and on when usually they all seemed to end too soon. We both enjoyed it so much that we started discussing that this was the best ride ever. I don’t know where the joy came from exactly, the wind, the speed, being with my family, the night sky, or the combination of all of these things. But I remember how it felt and I can still feel it 30 years later.

My kids are still very young so I don’t think I have given them many “go-to” memories yet. But hopefully Dylan is starting to store a few. I expect Disney will provide at least a couple of those moments, or the plane ride, or staying in the hotel (which is also a happy vacation memory for me). Whatever makes him feel perfectly safe and serene and joyful. That’s what I hope he can hold onto and carry with him through life. Then when he feels the urge to get cynical or he takes himself too seriously he can find his way back to happy now and then. Or maybe he’ll be lucky enough to feel that way most of the time.

I play the lottery now and then. I actually do believe I am going to win one of these days. Otherwise, why would I bother? I am looking forward to changing my family’s life once I have the means. I don’t want to live in a mansion and have a staff working for me. While I would probably get a nicer home and spend a little bit on landscaping, I don’t feel the need to have a lot of “stuff.” I’m going to have savings and take my kids on great vacations every year. I’ll have college funds of course, which would be terrific considering there are 4 college educations to pay for. I would also LOVE to pay off my parents’ debts (since I helped them incur those debts) and also help my sister and her family, and others of course. I hope to win enough to do these things very soon. I am just excited for it!

When we are millionaires (or bazillionaires?) I am pretty sure that my husband and I would still work in some manner. I would continue to work on my writing and becoming a real-live author. My husband would probably launch into something new and unexpected but I’ll have to wait and see about that. I know he has a lot of ideas and interests and all he needs is the opportunity to explore them. Once the kids are in school we will have more time to work on that sort of thing. We will also have more time for shopping, lounging, and eating ice cream. I am fairly certain that we won’t overdo any of those things, even though we will have the means. If you see us going astray, let me know.

For now, I will do my best to live within my means. It is hard to be at Target and feel bad about buying myself a pair of $15 sandals when I really need them. I have never been one to splurge on myself, not on clothes, not on shoes, not on jewelry, not on anything. I don’t think I would change that very much, but at least I could buy what I need without giving it a second thought. I could also buy pajamas and shoes and everything else my kids might need without trying to find a way to make do with what we already own. If somebody needs something, I could just go get it. Not that I would be wasteful, but I wouldn’t have to stress about the little things. I am so excited to get to that place! I’ll let you know when I’m there.

I invited the local “early intervention” program to come by and evaluate the babies. It had been suggested to me in the NICU but I just didn’t see the point of doing it when the babies were 3 months old. What would they evaluate? The baby isn’t pooping properly? Anyway, now that they are closing in on a year and are trying to crawl and stand and will be talking, I thought it might be worth it. Violet’s plastic surgeon also wanted early intervention to help us determine how Violet does with her speech after the cleft repair.

Three very sweet women came over and spent some time with Violet.  Colton and Sienna will have separate appointments for evaluation. I was in the other room answering questions while the other two ladies were hanging out with the trips. She was full of laughs and giggles and did some talking for them. It seemed like they were all enjoying the visit. They sat down with me afterwards to let me know how she did. In most categories she did great. She scored especially high in the cognitive area and the social area. I am not surprised at all about that. The only area of concern was her motor skills as she doesn’t really crawl or even like to be on her tummy. I always heard that lots of babies don’t ever crawl and that is fine, but apparently this is not entirely true. There are muscles that may not develop properly if she doesn’t learn to crawl so we have to get on that. Since they were here a few days ago I have already been able to make some progress with her on her tummy. She lifts herself up on her elbows and plays without getting as annoyed as she used to. There will be some kind of therapist coming to work with her but I have a feeling she won’t need to come here for long.

I am mostly concerned about Violet’s speech as she gets older, making sure that she is able to make all of the sounds that she needs. It will be a year or more before we can really tell, but at least now I have a relationship with the early intervention people so they can come if we need them.  It never hurts to have more help and more people around to teach the kids lots of useful stuff. I almost got defensive when they started telling me that Violet qualified for assistance, but then I remembered that they aren’t judging my parenting skills or my daughter’s value, they just want to help. So I will let them.